Do you have someone in your life who complains about everything?
The weather, traffic, work, family… They find ways to complain about the good stuff, things they have no control over and even the things they do!
You probably either do your best to avoid them or tolerate them because you care for them.
But what happens when this person is you?
Here’s the hard truth. When you are the one constantly complaining about how bad you have it and how horrible life is and has been to you, it’s time for a change!
People who don’t know you think you are cold, rude and insensitive. And people who love you are simply tolerating you or perhaps have even stopped listening. Point blank… it’s most likely difficult to spend large amounts of time with you.
But, here’s the good news. All you have to do is want to change for the better and CHOOSE to stop complaining about everything. Sound too simple? Perhaps for the hardcore narcissists and the negative Nancy’s, but that’s not you!
Or, is it? 😉
Either way, if you want to improve your relationships, have more positive experiences and overall, live a happier, more fulfilling life, then consider taking these few tips to heart.
Look and Listen
The reason I am starting with this is because you may not even know or realize you are a complainer. So the only way to find out is to stop, look at people when you are talking to them and listen to what they say.
A couple of things can happen here. The first is you will actually begin to hear yourself. I mean REALLY hear yourself and recognize immediately how awful you must sound to others.
Full disclosure: I sometimes go off on a rant and head down the rabbit hole complaining before I recognize I’m flat on my face at the bottom… alone. I recognize this though and do my best not to take it much further.
The second thing that could happen is that your friends, co-workers or whoever you are talking to, are listening and slowly dying an emotional death during the time they spend with you, whereby needing high amounts of alcohol or comfort food to soothe them back to life afterwards. Or they are zoning out while you speak because this is just “what you do”… and they tolerate it.
Action step: Make eye contact to help you listen better and be more present with yourself and others.
Change Your Mind
Once you decide you want to stop complaining so much, things get easier. It’s a mind shift really… a choice.
You realize it’s something you want to change, so you set your mind to change it.
When you focus on something you really want and there’s no stopping you, what do you say?
“My mind’s made up!”
“I’ve made up my mind.”
“You can’t change my mind!”
It’s that same powerful determination that can help you be happier and choose to not complain. At least so much.
Action step: Use the three powerful statements above to make your mind up to stop complaining.
Create Positive or New Thoughts
Having a positive attitude will change your life! It doesn’t mean you can never express your sadness or disappointment in someone or a situation, it’s the delivery, the frequency and the mindset.
Creating positive thoughts in your mind will help you on so many levels. Thinking positive actually raises your vibration and makes you a happier person. It’s said that thinking positive regularly attracts love, kindness, compassion and overall goodness in to one’s life.
Don’t you want those things? I know I do.
You had a bad day? Instead of complaining about it, tell yourself tomorrow is a new day and it will be great!
You didn’t make the deadline on time? Don’t waste even more time complaining about it, finish it and be confident the extra time was needed to make it amazing.
Missed a flight? Not a good time to tear a strip off service personnel or complain to anyone who will listen. Tell yourself there must have been a reason you were not on that flight. Maybe while waiting for the next one you met someone who changes your life forever. Maybe a friend needed to talk to you and suddenly you were available and YOU changed their life because you were. Or perhaps the flight you missed was redirected putting your schedule off even further.
The thing is… you just never know. But opening up your mind and accepting things out of your control will help you to not feel betrayed in some way by some unknown force.
The world’s not out to get you, you just think it is.
Action step: Practice one new positive thought every day.
Replace “Why me?” with “Why not me?”
If you EVER hear yourself say “Why me?” at any given time… STOP, DROP and shut the hell up!
To a non-complainer, this translates into: “Woe is me” or “It’s pity party time.”
I want to give you another perspective today. When you, or someone else says “Why me?”, they are essentially saying they are the lucky ones. Chosen. Special. It’s almost like they want confirmation that they are the only ones who deserve whatever horrible thing is happening to them.
But, what if you just changed one word? What if you looked at it from the other side?
“Why NOT me?”
Maybe there’s a reason for what happened. Perhaps there is a lesson you need to learn to move forward. A message you need to hear. You don’t know, so until you open yourself up to the possibilities, you will always stay stuck in that victim role.
Action step: Tell yourself you deserve better.
Let Go of the Past
Are you carrying a hurt or resentment about a loved one or past relationship? Do you feel pain when you look backward?
In my opinion, people who are negative and complain a lot often have deep-seeded wounds, hurt and anger that surfaces through their words. I think all of us may have been here at some point in our lives.
The only way through the hurt and pain is to begin the healing process so you can let go.
If you hear yourself saying something like: “I know it’s time to move on, I just can’t” or “Forgiving or letting go of ______ won’t matter to them, so why bother?”, take a breath and give yourself permission. After that, understand that letting go of anyone or anything is not for anyone else… it’s for YOU. And also understand that until you begin and go through this healing process, life will continue to challenge you. You will always feel like the world is out to get you, even though it’s not. And you will feel the need to tell people about all the terrible things that keep happening to you.
Action step: Write down your thoughts. Start a journal or write a letter to someone then rip it up.
If you are still reading this, it’s because…
(a) you recognize you could use a little guidance to improve your life and relationships by cutting down on your complaining, or
(b) you feel someone in your life might really need a little push to the positive side.
Or maybe you just realized being angry, bitter and negative all the time is not working out for you and you want to make a change.
Just make up your mind. Make a choice. Change your attitude. Be happier.
Let go of what’s holding you down. Open your mind and free your soul!
It’s time for you to live the life you were meant to live! ❤️
One more thing, if for some reason all of this is just too much for you and you still don’t know what to do… when in doubt, just don’t say anything at all.
Challenge: Next time you catch yourself complaining, turn it around and find a way to compliment the person or the situation to find the good.